Tongue-Sharpening

I'm sure we're all wondering (or maybe it'll just be my future self) what I did for the holidays. Well, just like you, I eat, sleep and breathe. Very honest answer, but you're not interested in that, are you? (Neither am I). Don't worry, I won't be writing anything that eeriely sounds like your biography. Instead, I'll be focusing on one of my disgusting hobbies, which involves the tongue.

Look at the post title once more. If you're exceptionally blur, you would probably picture a nutcase stuffing her tongue into a sharpener (I pity you people). For those with a more scientific approach, you'd probably think that I prefer eating tough food to train my tongue, thus making it sharper. While those sound like stupid amusingly interesting activities to do, I have to admit that I'm actually a very boring person. You see, all I do is let my tongue clash directly with others' (NOT french kissing). Just as warriors fight with their swords, I go for battles with my tongue. (Trust me, I'm not strong enough to fight against someone brandishing a sword). But the tongue does have its advantages.

Like the warrior, I can be capable of inflicting serious damage upon my opponents, with nothing but the edges of a swift tongue. More advantageous than the bow and arrow, the tongue can shoot words and strike the hearts and minds of it's target without ever missing a shot. With the grace and intelligence of the magician, the colourful words casted by the tongue are able to manipulate any situation. To conceal meanings and create disillusions would be just as easy as the thief's deception and evasiveness. With the words of the tongue, you can build a fort to block yourself from the dangers of the outside world, launch rockets into the sky or mastermind a massacre.

Now that you're familiar with the background of the tongue, you can finally motivate yourself to carry out intensive sessions of tongue-sharpening like me =D. And how do you do this? Well, I lash out at unsuspecting victims (I expect no less from you)...Let's face it, the more sharp-tongues there are around, the merrier. So now, I will introduce a list of insults you may use to replace your maledictions. No more expected "F you!"s from our readers. It's time we get a little creative.

Sticks and stones break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.
[Keep this in mind, you’ll need it]

(Warning : thinking required) (I'm saying you're not smart enough to read the following)
1. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it before.

2. You must have a very low opinion of other people if you think that they’re your equals.

3. If we were to kill everyone who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder. It would be genocide!

4. Even your best friend lies to you and cheats on you. And that’s the best friend you’ve got.

5. You’re a prime candidate for natural deselection.

6. I think you have a room temperature IQ.

7. Aliens zapped that dude with a stupidity ray—twice.

8. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. Don’t worry, I told him not to act like a fool anymore.

9. People say you are the quintessential idiot. I don’t think you’re perfect, but you’re definitely on the right track!

10. We always know when you’re lying. Your lips move.

11. Your voice is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

12. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent and cultured.

13. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious, and you are all of them.

14. Max : I’m bored.
You : Keep talking, I’m getting there.

15. Tina : I think this dress looks great on me...
You : It’s okay. You don’t have to be so sarcastic to yourself.


I'm sorry, I wanted to add more (I have a longer list up to 50+), but I'm trying to get this on the school magazine. *Grins* It's so easy to make you upset. =D

Before you throw eggs at me for the incomplete list, *sticks out tongue and wags it*, I would like to wish everyone good luck at sharpening their tongues. If you're still blur on what I do up 'til now, please make sure your brain isn't in power-saving mode (I'm calling you stupid). Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can't take all the credit for myself (another insult, proving that I'm not the only one making a monkey out of you and calling you stupid).