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Sunday, November 29, 2009


I'm sure we're all wondering (or maybe it'll just be my future self) what I did for the holidays. Well, just like you, I eat, sleep and breathe. Very honest answer, but you're not interested in that, are you? (Neither am I). Don't worry, I won't be writing anything that eeriely sounds like your biography. Instead, I'll be focusing on one of my disgusting hobbies, which involves the tongue.

Look at the post title once more. If you're exceptionally blur, you would probably picture a nutcase stuffing her tongue into a sharpener (I pity you people). For those with a more scientific approach, you'd probably think that I prefer eating tough food to train my tongue, thus making it sharper. While those sound like stupid amusingly interesting activities to do, I have to admit that I'm actually a very boring person. You see, all I do is let my tongue clash directly with others' (NOT french kissing). Just as warriors fight with their swords, I go for battles with my tongue. (Trust me, I'm not strong enough to fight against someone brandishing a sword). But the tongue does have its advantages.

Like the warrior, I can be capable of inflicting serious damage upon my opponents, with nothing but the edges of a swift tongue. More advantageous than the bow and arrow, the tongue can shoot words and strike the hearts and minds of it's target without ever missing a shot. With the grace and intelligence of the magician, the colourful words casted by the tongue are able to manipulate any situation. To conceal meanings and create disillusions would be just as easy as the thief's deception and evasiveness. With the words of the tongue, you can build a fort to block yourself from the dangers of the outside world, launch rockets into the sky or mastermind a massacre.

Now that you're familiar with the background of the tongue, you can finally motivate yourself to carry out intensive sessions of tongue-sharpening like me =D. And how do you do this? Well, I lash out at unsuspecting victims (I expect no less from you)...Let's face it, the more sharp-tongues there are around, the merrier. So now, I will introduce a list of insults you may use to replace your maledictions. No more expected "F you!"s from our readers. It's time we get a little creative.

Sticks and stones break my bones,
But words will never hurt me.
[Keep this in mind, you’ll need it]

(Warning : thinking required) (I'm saying you're not smart enough to read the following)
1. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you’ve never used it before.

2. You must have a very low opinion of other people if you think that they’re your equals.

3. If we were to kill everyone who hates you, it wouldn’t be murder. It would be genocide!

4. Even your best friend lies to you and cheats on you. And that’s the best friend you’ve got.

5. You’re a prime candidate for natural deselection.

6. I think you have a room temperature IQ.

7. Aliens zapped that dude with a stupidity ray—twice.

8. I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. Don’t worry, I told him not to act like a fool anymore.

9. People say you are the quintessential idiot. I don’t think you’re perfect, but you’re definitely on the right track!

10. We always know when you’re lying. Your lips move.

11. Your voice is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!

12. They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent and cultured.

13. There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious, and you are all of them.

14. Max : I’m bored.
You : Keep talking, I’m getting there.

15. Tina : I think this dress looks great on me...
You : It’s okay. You don’t have to be so sarcastic to yourself.

I'm sorry, I wanted to add more (I have a longer list up to 50+), but I'm trying to get this on the school magazine. *Grins* It's so easy to make you upset. =D

Before you throw eggs at me for the incomplete list, *sticks out tongue and wags it*, I would like to wish everyone good luck at sharpening their tongues. If you're still blur on what I do up 'til now, please make sure your brain isn't in power-saving mode (I'm calling you stupid). Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to make a monkey out of you. I can't take all the credit for myself (another insult, proving that I'm not the only one making a monkey out of you and calling you stupid).



Sunday, November 22, 2009

For The Brave

Hey humans! Glad to see that this blog is finally making some progress. For convenience, all authors will tag themselves (or their code names) on their posts. (You can defy my galactical order for all I care). For me, I'd prefer to go undercover as LazyBones. Resident Loudmouth, I've tagged you as "louder", or rather, LoudR (Louder than the average Joe). Feel free to change it, though. I was just messing with your name. *Grins*

Anyway, I wanted to dedicate this post to a friend who's going down to Singapore on a scholarship. Here are a few tips for him to stand out among the crowd on the first day of school (or any other day, for this matter). Hopefully, he'll get into enough trouble for the principal to send him back home. Go, Ryan! I know you have the guts to do these!

Freak the class:
1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean...."

2. Wear earmuffs to class. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

3. When the teacher calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."

4. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Li Qi Zhun. If you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir Fernandez O'Reilly.

5. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

6. Address the professor as "Your Excellency".

7. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence. (I know you're very capable of this)

8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Ryan. Claim that the "N" is silent. If it's Smith, claim that the "I" is silent.

9. Treat everyone in the classroom like alien ambassadors and claim that you're heading an alien council. Say "Greetings" to everyone you meet. When the professor enters the room, below "Tremble before me, you puny Earthling!!!!!" Remember to rise ominously from your seat and point an accusing finger at the professor.

10. Spend the entire lesson blowing kisses to other students.

11. Stand to ask questions. Use a very strong English accent. Bow deeply before taking your seat after the teacher answers.

12. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you laugh.

13. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell. Claim that "the end is coming" every few minutes.

14. Laugh like Daffy Duck while clapping your hands vigorously. Don't forget to jump around for added effects.

15. Sabotage and point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each student's name, rank, and serial number.

16. Claim that you see viruses thriving on your teacher's clothes. Offer to help pick out the viruses and keep them in your pocket. Complain later that the viruses are multiplying....

17. Sneeze on students in front of you and wipe your nose on your tie (or collar).

18. After walking into the classroom, clutch your chest and scream "MY PACEMAKER!"

19. When talking to your friends, gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a random person and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

20. Wear a "virtual reality" helmet and strange gloves. When someone talks to you, turn in their direction and make throttling motions with your hands.

21. Mention in passing that you're wearing a rubber underwear.

22. Turn off the lights, play a tape of crickets chirping, and begin singing spirituals.

23. Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

24. Growl constantly and address your teacher as "matey".

25. Devote your math lessons to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask your teacher to "sit back and groove".

26. Claim to be a chicken. Squat, cluck, and produce eggs at irregular intervals.

27. Breathe like Darth Vader. Talk to an imaginary "angel" on your right shoulder. Address your classmates as your "minions".

28. Start a food fight in the canteen.

29. Twitch a lot.

30. Move your mouth when you're silent and move your mouth as little as possible when you talk.

Freak the roommates:
1. Fake a heart attack in the room. When your roommates get the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

2. Always flush the toilet 3 times.

3. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."

4. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for twenty minutes.

5. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.

6. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon...."

7. Talk to yourself loudly in front of your roommate. After a while, begin discussing your roommate with yourself.

8. Complain of having a terrible virus in your system and cough at your roommate frequently.

9. Tell your roommate that it's your birthday--every day.

10. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.

11. Take your roommate's pillow and put a water ballon inside of it.

12. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.

13. Call safety and security whenever your roommate turns up his/her music.

14. Follow him/her around on weekends.

15. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.

16. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.

17. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.

18. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into him/her.

19. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

20. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer a problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that you don't trust your ceiling.

21. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the fort for an entire weekend.

22. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Where am I?!" and run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

24. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."

25. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."

26. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native- American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate.

27. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.

28. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

29. Walk and talk backwards.

30. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances. Constantly mutter "....the mothership is coming..."



Friday, November 13, 2009

The Winning Edge

Debate is a time to let your creativity (or insanity) shine.

Things to do during an intense debate :

1. The first impression is always the most important. Give a powerful impression by starting like this : "...Hey, y'all! Howz'it goin', peeps...G-g-g-good morning to the adjudicators - all of whom I've bribed, the amazing timekeeper who can reverse time and work it to my advantage, my UNworthy opponents, my dogmatic cronies and their underhand tactics and members of the floor - *mumbles* who would be much better off ON the floor, instead of on chairs...."

2. Use the names of your country's top leaders. If you're up for it, mimic the way they talk for a greater effect.

3. Claim that you're a necromancer. Pause for a few seconds and stare straight into your opponents' eyes. Start laughing hysterically and talk in a high-pitched voice. Claim that you're now a puppet of Hitler and that you're out to take revenge.

4. When introducing your whip, say this "....and my whip will be whippin' those asses across the room who dare oppose us!!"

5. Do your entire speech in another language. Scream "Me no speakee Eeengreeesh!!" when questioned.

6. Clap twice after every 45 seconds to confuse your opponent. Deception is the keyword here.

7. Hum Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture the moment the debate starts. When any of your teammates POI, scream "Fastforward!!" and sing the climax as loud as you can.

8. Try to get everyone in the room to do the wave.

9. Talk to your imaginary friend named Bob in the middle of the debate. Bang the tables often so that everyone will pay attention to what Bob has to say. Say that they need medical attention if they can't see or hear Bob.

10. Make paper airplanes out of your debate notes. Aim them at your opponents' nostrils.

11. Convince everyone that you are actually a Bzk from planet Bzagoog. Make unintelligable noises for added effects.

12. Always say that your motion of the day is "This House Believes That The Chicken Crossed The Road". Don't correct yourself. Once a man has a plan, he sticks to it.

Creative POIs :
How to POI :
1. Get all your teammates to sing the ascending C major arpeggio. The 2nd speaker ALWAYS POIs for a fancier effect. End the POI by singing the descending C major arpeggio. Time is precious. Eat your opponents' time.

2. Rap when you give a POI. People love music.

3. Stand up abruptly and go on ranting about how your opponents' points conflicted with your religious beliefs.

4. Talk about Mao Zhe Dong and his life whenever you POI your opponents.

5. Claim that your opponents have used a seditious term/phrase. Bring in a lawyer as witness and file a law suit immediately.

6. Bring in cheerleaders to pressure your opponents.

7. Say : "Sir, I am actually a mediator between the President of the United States and the people of the world. The President has given orders to say that......"

8. Say : "I DEMAND that you grant me this POI, or I'm telling Santa Claus that you have been verryyyy naughty....*Grins evilly*"

9. "The aliens of Bzagoog has initiated contact with you EARTHLING SCUMS in this debate. Answer me, or I will go to your house and be "not so nice"."

10. Get all your teammates to hit the table as if it were drums. Get a tribal beat (DUM dum dum dum, DUM dum dum dum) and make your 1st speaker do a war cry similar to that of the Red Indians.

How to deny POIs :
1. Form a gun with your first 3 fingers. Bend 45 degrees to the side and say squeakily, "Denied." Do this until someone tells you to stop.

2. Look around you, bewildered. Say that you "heard a voice but can't see anything". Mutter something about the wind and continue with your speech. If your opponents are persistent, run around the room in circles to "get rid of the bad spirit".

3. Stare deep into the eyes of those who dare interrupt your speech. Say angrily, "I. Am. Thirstyyyy.....". Then, continue as if nothing happened.

4. Mock them as much as you can in a singsong voice : "I can't heeeeeeaaaaaaaar you...." Cover your ears to be more convincing.

5. Look about frantically and collect all your papers. Say that the double-zero agents have found you and that you need to leave the country immediately.

6. Shout "I have the secret documents!!" and shift the topic to the world-domination blueprints you've found in a rabbit-hole. Go on to claim that you have saved the world from a Bunny Invasion. Take all the credit for yourself.

7. Bring in a ventriloquist doll. Whenever you're POI-ed, lift up the doll and turn it's head slowly to face everyone in the room. Make the doll laugh and say that it "protects" you.

8. Start chanting the holy phrases. If you are continuously disturbed, sit on the table and strike the meditation position.

9. Switch the topic to fashion and say how good your opponents look. Mumble something about "that horrible watch the adjudicator is wearing".

10. Claim that your opponent has violated the laws of the universe and that he/she should not speak, or else a black hole will form in the center of the room.

11. Bring a water pistol into the debate. Shoot them with it and say, "At it, boy! Sit! Sit! Yeeeee-ha!!"

12. Throw water at them and shout "May the power of Christ compel you!!"

Written by Lazybones on Wewriteanything.



Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Ultimate

As a form of dedication to my 200th post :

"u ruined my life
crushed my sanity
senilised my brain
halted my thoughts"

The above was quoted by Ghee Ken when he could not figure out the answer to "What makes the sound Meow-blub" after 3 days.

Anyone want to guess? What makes the sound "Meow-blub"?



Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Better Late Than Never

The title is to remind you that a long-overdue blog post is better than no post at all. Thanks to a holiday brimming with scenery, you have a very looong post filled with pictures (not many words this time, rejoice!!). Here are the links to the post:

Changsha 1
Changsha 2

Please note that you are encouraged to enlarge the pictures in a new tab (because it's going to take you a long time to load back to the post itself).



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